


Standard Turn and Repent

by Brumeier



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: sga_saturday, Epiphanies, Getting Together, M/M, Mission Fic, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Rules
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25251790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/pseuds/Brumeier
Summary: Another offworld mission goes awry, this time in a weirdly biblical fashion as John ascends the sacred mountain to commune with the Ancients.
Relationships: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Comments: 33
Kudos: 82





	Standard Turn and Repent

**Author's Note:**

> Written for sga_saturday: tablet

The natives were getting restless. Quite literally.

It had been over a week since John and Evan, who had been (inappropriately, in Rodney’s opinion, given his role as 2IC) filling in for injured Ronon, had made the trek up the sacred mountain, while Rodney and Teyla stayed behind to keep things on an even keel. Easier said than done.

Almost the entirety of the Toleth village was camped out at the base of the mountain, increasingly agitated as they waited for news. Their society had been in disarray when the team arrived, some sort of crisis of faith that had led to rampant abuses of the basic moral code. When John had inadvertently revealed himself to be a gene-carrier – which he did with annoying frequency – the Toleth had seen it as a sign. Only John could speak directly to the Ancestors and set the Toleth back on the right path.

Rodney had plenty to say on the topic of religion, none of it good, but he’d refrained from voicing it when he realized how outnumbered they were. So up the mountain went John. He’d claimed Evan as his spiritual man servant or something equally ludicrous, which Rodney had to admit was a bit of a sting to his ego. He and John were a team, they were the ones that faced these kinds of trials together.

He understood why John had chosen Evan when they finally came back down the mountain.

“Who the hell are you supposed to be?” Rodney sputtered. “Charlton Heston?”

John, sporting a scruffy beard and looking a little worse for wear, was carrying a large stone tablet. Evan trailed along behind him, looking like he hadn’t slept the whole week. Which he probably hadn’t, if he’d been carving stone.

“Is this Heston one of your deities?” Teyla asked, curious.

“He’s the patron saint of the NRA,” Rodney replied. “I’ll explain later.”

“I bring the word of the Ancestors,” John called out as he strolled into the encampment. 

Okay, it was less of a stroll and more of a tired drag, but he still managed to do it with characteristic Sheppard flair. Rodney would’ve liked to have been a fly on the wall for the brainstorm session that had chosen stone tablets as the best possible option.

“All hail the prophet!” the Toleth leader cried out.

John was quickly surrounded by grateful villagers, and the tablet was carefully secured. Rodney pulled Evan aside.

“Whose bright idea was it to make the Ten Commandments?” Rodney hissed. “Richard isn’t going to like this.”

“Richard wasn’t available to consult,” Evan said crossly. “And there are only seven.”

He was clearly exhausted, to be so snappish, and his hands were red and raw looking. Rodney didn’t bother asking how the stone carving had been accomplished. For all he knew, Evan kept a chisel in his tac vest for just such an occasion. 

The Toleth gathered around the tablet, and the Elder read each commandment in turn to his enraptured audience.

_Never kill for pleasure or sport._

_Share when you can._

_Don’t steal._

_Don’t lie._

_Keep clean._

_Be kind._

_Be tolerant._

“You forgot ‘dance like no-one’s watching’,” Rodney muttered.

“Don’t push it, Doc,” Evan grumbled back.

They stayed for a celebratory feast before finally heading back to Atlantis. As Evan rapturously talked about his bed with Teyla, who looked both amused and sympathetic, Rodney hung back with John.

“If I’d known you’d be making commandments,” Rodney said, “I’d have given you some suggestions before you left.”

“The Toleth didn’t need the Theory of Relativity, McKay,” John replied. His hands, like Evan’s, were red and scraped up, and he had blisters on his fingers. “It’s a pretty standard turn and repent scenario.”

“It has more useful application than ‘be nice’.”

“The only useful application I’m interested in right now involves soap and water.”

Rodney wrinkled his nose. “You are a little ripe.”

“Then don’t walk so close,” John suggested.

Rodney ignored him. “You and the major get up to anything else while you were communing with the Ancients?”

John shrugged. “You know. The usual. We braided each other’s hair and curled our eyelashes.”

That comment earned him an eyeroll. It wasn’t that Rodney suspected anything, not really. But a whole week alone with John? It was something Rodney could only dream about, so maybe he was a little bit jealous. Even though he would’ve hated roughing it to that degree. Bad enough being away from indoor plumbing for so long.

“There may have been some non-Ancient revelations,” John said cagily. 

“And what would those be?”

“I’m not having that conversation with you until I’ve showered and slept for about three days,” John replied.

“With me?” Rodney echoed. “Did you have a revelation about _me_?”

By that time, they’d reached the DHD and Teyla was dialing. Before Rodney could pester John for more information about his so-called revelation, John gave Rodney a wink – that smug bastard! – and stepped through the event horizon.

“I can’t wait three days,” Rodney groaned, even though he knew John couldn’t hear him.

But he did wait the three days, less than patiently. The kissing that came after made it all worthwhile.

**Author's Note:**

>  **AN:** Title is a quote from [Jonah: A Veggie Tales movie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aqhf8JZ5Yg0): _Sounds like a standard turn and repent to me_. My boy loved that movie as a kid, and I still sing some of the songs even though my boy is almost seventeen now. The veggies had it going on!
> 
> When I saw the prompt for this round of sga_saturday, stone tablets was the first thing that popped into my mind. I just needed to figure out the hows and whys of it, and I admit it’s a bit cracky. No regrets!


End file.
